As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to watch your child struggle with an eating disorder. You may feel confused, helpless, or even blame yourself. But you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Many children and teenagers today are dealing with eating disorders due to a mix of emotional, social, and biological reasons. The good news is that with the right support, recovery is possible.
What Are Eating Disorders?
Eating disorders are mental health conditions where a person has unhealthy thoughts and behaviors about food, body shape, or weight. The most common types are anorexia nervosa (not eating enough), bulimia nervosa (eating a lot and then trying to get rid of the food), and binge eating disorder (eating large amounts of food without control).
These disorders can cause intense anxiety around eating and often lead to feelings of anger, especially when the person feels misunderstood or pressured. Eating disorders can happen to boys or girls, and they don’t always look the same in every child.
Why Does My Child Have an Eating Disorder?
There is no single reason why a child develops an eating disorder. It usually happens because of a combination of different things:
- Emotional Stress: Children who are going through tough times—like bullying, divorce of parents, or academic pressure—may turn to food (or the lack of it) as a way to cope with their feelings. In some cases, these stressful events can lead to emotional trauma or even PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), which can deeply affect a child’s relationship with food. For example, 14-year-old Sara started skipping meals after being constantly teased at school about her weight. She felt like controlling her food was the only thing she had power over.
- Low Self-Esteem: Kids who don’t feel good about themselves may try to change their body to feel better. Social media plays a big role here. Seeing pictures of “perfect” bodies online can make children feel like they’re not good enough. Take the example of Liam, a 16-year-old who began over-exercising and severely cutting calories after following fitness influencers on Instagram. He felt pressure to look a certain way to fit in.
- Family Influence: Sometimes, eating disorders can be linked to family habits. If parents often talk about dieting, body size, or criticize a child’s appearance, it can have a deep impact. Even well-meaning comments like “You’ll look better if you lose a few pounds” can hurt more than help.
- Genetics and Mental Health: Some children are more at risk because of their genes or other mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If a family member has had an eating disorder or similar issues, the child may be more likely to experience it too.
Signs to Watch Out For
Eating disorders are often hidden. Your child might say everything is fine while secretly struggling. Here are some warning signs:
- Skipping meals or eating very little
- Talking a lot about calories, weight, or being “fat”
- Going to the bathroom right after eating (may be vomiting)
- Sudden weight loss or gain
- Avoiding social events that involve food
- Exercising too much, even when tired or sick
- Mood swings or becoming more withdrawn
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to talk to your child in a calm and loving way.
How Can I Support My Child?
Supporting a child with an eating disorder is not easy, but your love and patience can make a big difference.
- Start a Gentle Conversation: Pick a quiet time when you’re both relaxed. Say what you’ve noticed and express your concern without judgment. For example, “I’ve seen you’re not eating lunch lately. I’m worried about you and I want to help.”
- Avoid Blame or Shame: Don’t say things like “Just eat!” or “Why are you doing this to yourself?” Instead, listen with empathy. Understand that eating disorders are not about food—they’re about deeper emotional pain.
- Encourage Professional Help: Therapists, dietitians, and doctors who specialize in eating disorders can help your child recover. Early treatment gives the best results. Family therapy can also help you understand how to support your child better.
- Be a Role Model: Children learn from their parents. Show a healthy relationship with food and your own body. Avoid speaking negatively about your own weight or eating habits.
- Create a Safe Environment: Keep mealtimes calm and stress-free. Avoid commenting on your child’s appearance or what they eat. Instead, talk about other topics and keep the mood light.
- Build Self-Esteem: Help your child focus on their strengths and achievements outside of appearance. Encourage hobbies, sports, or creative activities where they feel confident.
- Be Patient: Recovery takes time. There will be ups and downs. Celebrate small victories and stay hopeful. Let your child know that you love them no matter what.
Real Life Example: A Mother’s Story
Mrs. Khan noticed her daughter, Amina, was losing weight rapidly and often said she wasn’t hungry. Amina became moody, withdrawn, and started isolating herself—signs that were later linked to both an eating disorder and underlying depression.
At first, Mrs. Khan thought it was just a teenage phase. But after talking to a school counselor, she learned about eating disorders. She gently spoke to Amina and took her to a therapist. With support, therapy, and family involvement, Amina slowly began to recover. Today, she is healthy and happy, though still working on her self-image. Mrs. Khan says, “What helped most was showing her that we were on her side, not against her.”
What is EMDR and Can It Help?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a type of therapy that helps people deal with painful memories or trauma. Sometimes, eating disorders are connected to past events like bullying or abuse. EMDR helps the brain process those memories in a healthier way. During the sessions, the therapist asks the child to focus on a memory while guiding their eye movements. This helps reduce the emotional pain linked to the memory. Some children and teens have found EMDR helpful as part of their recovery from eating disorders.
Final Thoughts
If your child has an eating disorder, know that help is available and recovery is possible. You don’t have to fix everything on your own—just being there, listening, and encouraging treatment can be life-changing. With time, love, and professional support, your child can regain a healthy relationship with food and with themselves. If you’re looking for compassionate, expert help, visit www.junabrookes.co.uk to connect with a qualified therapist who specializes in supporting children and families through eating disorder recovery.