If your child worries about everything, you’re not alone — and you’re definitely not failing as a parent.
One day it’s tummy aches.
The next day it’s tears at the school gate.
Some mornings, just getting shoes on feels like an Olympic event.
Naturally, parents try logic first:
You’re safe.
You’ve done this before.
There’s nothing to worry about.
And yet… nothing changes.
Instead of calming down, your child may cling harder, cry louder, or suddenly feel “ill” right before school. It’s confusing, exhausting, and honestly — heartbreaking.
But here’s the truth most parents aren’t told:
Anxiety doesn’t live in the thinking part of the brain. It lives in the body.
That’s why logic often doesn’t work — and why therapies like EMDR are helping anxious and withdrawn children feel safe again.
Let’s explore what’s really happening and what you can do.
Why Childhood Anxiety Looks Physical First
Children don’t usually say, “I feel anxious.” Instead, their anxiety often shows up through physical complaints. They might say their tummy hurts, that they feel sick, that their head hurts, or that they simply can’t go to school. These physical symptoms are their way of expressing the fear and stress they feel inside, even if they don’t have the words to explain it.
These are some of the most common physical symptoms of anxiety in children:
- Stomach aches and nausea
- Headaches
- Fast heartbeat
- Sweating
- Shaking
- Crying easily
- Refusing school
- Clinging to parents
Doctors often find nothing wrong — because medically, nothing is. But emotionally and neurologically, something very real is happening.
Their nervous system is stuck in alarm mode, even when there is no actual danger. And when the body feels unsafe, the brain stops listening to logic. Which explains why your calm, sensible reassurance sometimes feels completely ignored.
(It’s not personal. Anxiety just doesn’t take feedback well.)
Why Logic Doesn’t Calm an Anxious Child
Imagine this:
Your child wakes up on a school morning and says, “My stomach hurts. I can’t go.”
You reply, “You’re fine. You were okay yesterday. Nothing bad will happen.”
But inside their body, the message is:
Danger! Something isn’t right! Stay home!
Their fear response is automatic — not chosen.
This is because anxiety activates the survival part of the brain, not the thinking part. Once that system switches on, logic has about the same impact as whispering to someone in a fire alarm factory.
So when parents keep explaining, reasoning, or reassuring, children may feel:
- Misunderstood
- Ashamed
- Frustrated
- Even more anxious
What they really need is help calming their body first, not their thoughts.
Real-Life Example: Ayaan’s Story
Let’s talk about Ayaan (name changed), an 8-year-old boy.
Ayaan was bright, friendly, and loved football — but school mornings became unbearable. He complained of stomach pain, cried uncontrollably, and begged to stay home. Sometimes he couldn’t even make it through the front door.
Doctors found nothing physically wrong.
His parents tried everything:
- Reassurance
- Rewards
- Punishments
- Long talks
- Short talks
- Bribes involving biscuits (no judgement)
Nothing worked.
Eventually, Ayaan stopped attending school altogether.
In therapy, it emerged that he’d once felt scared and alone when a teacher raised her voice at him. His brain stored that moment as danger. Even though nothing bad was happening now, his body reacted as if it were.
His anxiety wasn’t logical — it was stored in his nervous system.
That’s when EMDR therapy was introduced.
What Is EMDR Therapy for Children?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It’s a trauma-informed therapy that helps the brain process stuck memories, fears, and emotional responses — especially those stored in the body.
Instead of only talking about worries, EMDR works directly with:
- Body sensations
- Emotional reactions
- Nervous system responses
It uses something called bilateral stimulation — gentle tapping, eye movements, or sounds that go left-right-left-right — to help the brain reprocess fear safely.
In simple terms:
👉 EMDR helps the brain realise that the danger is over.
For children, EMDR is usually done through:
- Drawing
- Games
- Storytelling
- Simple movements
- Butterfly taps
It doesn’t feel like therapy. It feels more like guided play — which is exactly how children heal best.
Why EMDR Works When Talking Doesn’t
When a child says, “My tummy hurts,” “My heart is racing,” or “I feel scared,” they are not exaggerating. Their body is genuinely in stress mode, and EMDR targets these physical sensations directly rather than trying to talk children out of them.
Instead of asking, “Why are you worried?” EMDR gently asks, “What does your body feel like right now?” Through bilateral stimulation, the brain gradually learns messages like, “I’m safe now,” “This feeling will pass,” and “I can cope with this.” Over time, the fear response weakens, and confidence builds naturally.
School Refusal and Separation Anxiety: What’s Really Going On?
School refusal is one of the biggest challenges parents face today — and it’s rising across the UK.
Children may refuse school because:
- They feel unsafe away from home
- They’ve experienced bullying or stress
- They struggle with change or transitions
- They fear embarrassment or failure
- Their nervous system is stuck in survival mode
Separation anxiety often looks like:
- Crying when you leave
- Clinging at the school gate
- Panic before bedtime
- Physical complaints
- Meltdowns at drop-off
This isn’t stubbornness, and it isn’t attention-seeking. What your child is experiencing is fear. Their body believes that if Mum or Dad leaves, something bad will happen. Logic alone won’t fix this — what they need is to feel safe.
How EMDR Helps Children Feel Safe Again
EMDR helps children process:
- Past fears
- Stressful school experiences
- Separation anxiety
- Emotional memories stored in the body
As these memories lose their emotional charge, children begin to feel:
- Calmer
- Braver
- More confident
- Less overwhelmed
School stops feeling dangerous — and starts feeling manageable again.
Which is kind of the goal.
Butterfly Taps: A Simple Tool Children Can Use Anywhere
One of the most helpful EMDR-based tools is butterfly taps. They’re simple, gentle, and perfect for children.
How to do butterfly taps:
- Cross your arms over your chest like a butterfly.
- Gently tap your shoulders — left, right, left, right.
- Take slow breaths while tapping.
- Continue for 30–60 seconds.
This helps calm the nervous system and sends the brain the message:
“I’m safe.”
Children can use butterfly taps:
- At school
- During exams
- At bedtime
- When missing parents
- During panic moments
Teachers love it because it’s quiet, quick, and doesn’t involve lying on the floor mid-lesson. Always a bonus.
How Parents Can Support an Anxious or Withdrawn Child
Here’s what helps more than logic:
1. Validate Feelings First
Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to worry about,” try saying, “I can see you’re scared. I’m here.” This approach helps children feel understood, which can lower their anxiety far more effectively than advice or reassurance alone.
2. Focus on the Body, Not the Fear
Ask your child questions such as, “Where do you feel it in your body?” or “What does your tummy feel like right now?” After identifying the physical sensations, guide them through calming techniques like slow breathing or butterfly taps to help regulate their nervous system.
3. Teach Self-Calming Skills
Children feel stronger and more confident when they know how to calm themselves. You can teach them techniques such as belly breathing, butterfly taps, grounding exercises, and muscle relaxation. Learning these skills helps children build emotional independence and gives them tools to manage anxiety on their own.
4. Avoid Shaming, Forcing, or Threatening
Phrases like, “Big kids don’t cry,” “You’re being silly,” or “If you don’t go, you’re in trouble” can actually increase a child’s fear and shame. Rather than helping, these statements often make anxiety worse and can make children feel misunderstood or judged.
5. Seek Trauma-Informed Therapy
If anxiety is affecting school attendance, sleep, friendships, or daily life, professional support — especially EMDR — can make a huge difference.
Why Anxiety Lives in the Body — Not Just the Mind
Children don’t always understand why they feel anxious, but their bodies remember. A raised voice, a stressful day, a sudden change, or a feeling of being alone can leave lasting emotional impressions.
Even small moments can create big emotional footprints, especially in sensitive children. EMDR helps the brain safely process these memories so they no longer trigger fear responses. Instead of living in constant survival mode, children can return to learning, playing, and growing — the best modes, really.
Signs Your Child May Benefit from EMDR Therapy
Your child may benefit from support if they:
- Refuse school
- Have frequent physical complaints with no medical cause
- Struggle with separation
- Experience panic attacks
- Withdraw socially
- Worry constantly
- Have experienced trauma or stress
Early help leads to faster recovery — and prevents anxiety from becoming long-term.
Final Thoughts: Logic Isn’t the Cure — Safety Is
Telling a child “You’re safe” doesn’t always work.
Helping their body feel safe does.
That’s why EMDR and body-based therapies are transforming how we support anxious children — especially those struggling with school refusal and separation anxiety.
If your child worries about everything or clings tightly at drop-off, remember:
💛 They’re not difficult — they’re scared.
💛 They don’t need more logic — they need more safety.
💛 Healing is possible — and often quicker than you think.