Have you ever felt like life is just a bit much? Like your “emotional battery” is flashing red, and you’re struggling to find the energy to deal with even the small things?
As a therapist, I see this all the time. We spend so much time focusing on our problems, our stresses, and our endless “to-do” lists that we forget to top up our inner reserves. In my practice at junabrookes.co.uk, I often introduce clients to a foundational concept used in EMDR therapy called Positive Resourcing.
It sounds technical, but it’s actually very simple: it’s about finding specific memories, people, or places that make you feel strong, calm, and “okay.”
What Exactly is a “Positive Resource”?
Think of your mind like a garden. If you only ever pull weeds—like trying to process trauma, stress, and anxiety—the garden stays bare and brown. To make it a place you actually want to spend time in, you need to plant some flowers. Those flowers are your resources.
A resource is anything that shifts your body from “Red Alert” (anxiety/stress) to “Green Light” (calm/safety). It isn’t about “toxic positivity” or pretending life is perfect. It is about nervous system regulation—giving your body a break so you have the strength to handle the hard stuff.
The Science: The Window of Tolerance
To understand why resourcing works, we have to look at how our bodies handle stress. We all have something called a Window of Tolerance.
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Top Zone (Hyper-arousal): You feel anxious, angry, or overwhelmed. Your heart races, and you can’t think straight.
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Bottom Zone (Hypo-arousal): You feel numb, shut down, or exhausted. You’re “spacing out” and feel disconnected.
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The Middle (The Window): This is where you can handle life. You might be stressed, but you can still think clearly and stay present.
When we experience trauma or long-term stress, our “window” shrinks. Suddenly, even a small email or a loud noise kicks us out of the window. Positive Resourcing is the tool we use to stretch that window back out. It tells your brain, “Hey, we aren’t in danger right now. We can relax.”
4 Types of Resources You Can Use Right Now
You don’t need a special skill to find these. You already have them; we just need to “install” them into your daily life using principles from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
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- A Calm Place (Environmental)
This is a real or imaginary spot where you feel totally at ease. Maybe it’s a beach in Cornwall, your nan’s kitchen from when you were six, or a quiet forest. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be safe. - A Nurturing Person (Relational)
Think of someone (living or passed) who truly “gets” you. Someone whose presence feels like a warm hug. If you struggle to think of a real person, many of my clients use a “Wise Figure”—perhaps a character from a book, a spiritual figure, or even a pet who offers unconditional love. - An Internal Strength (Personal)
What are you proud of? We often gloss over our own strengths. Maybe you’re really persistent, or you have a great sense of humour, or you are fiercely loyal. These are your “internal superpowers.” Remembering a time you were brave can act as a powerful anchor. - A Protective Symbol (Symbolic)
Sometimes “calm” isn’t enough; we need to feel protected. Imagine a fierce lion standing guard, a solid oak tree with deep roots, or a shimmering shield around you. This is a great resource for when you feel vulnerable or judged.
- A Calm Place (Environmental)
How to “Install” a Resource: The EMDR Connection
Positive Resourcing is actually Phase 2 of EMDR therapy. Before we ever look at processing trauma, we ensure the client has these resources “installed” to keep them stable.
We do this using a technique called Bilateral Stimulation (BLS). In a therapy session, this might involve eye movements, but you can do it at home using the “Butterfly Hug.”
The 2-Minute Reset
Once you’ve picked a resource—let’s say it’s the memory of a cozy mountain cabin—here is the process to anchor it:
- Get Vivid: Close your eyes. What do you see? The orange glow of the fire? The wood grain on the walls? What do you hear? The crackle of logs? What do you smell? Pine needles?
- Feel it in your body: This is the most important part! As we know from understanding psychosomatic responses, our bodies hold onto emotions. Notice how your body changes as you think of this place. Do your shoulders drop? Does your stomach soften? Just sit with that “good” physical feeling for a few seconds.
- Add a “Cue Word”: Give this feeling a name, like “Cabin” or “Solid.”
- The Butterfly Hug (Bilateral Stimulation): While holding that good feeling, cross your arms over your chest and gently tap your shoulders, alternating left and right (tap left, tap right, tap left…). This tapping mimics the REM sleep cycle and helps the brain process and store the positive feeling more deeply.
Pro Tip: You can watch a professional demonstration of this tapping here. It might feel a bit silly at first, but it is a scientifically backed way to calm your nervous system.
Rewiring the Brain: The Power of Neuroplasticity
You might be thinking, “This is just imagination. How can it help my real-life anxiety?”
The answer lies in Neuroplasticity. Our brains are like plastic—they are constantly being shaped by our experiences. If we spend all day worrying or dealing with obsessive thoughts, we build very strong “worry muscles.”
When we practice Resourcing and EMDR techniques, we are building “calm muscles.” We are literally creating new neural pathways. Over time, it becomes easier for your brain to choose the “calm” path instead of the “panic” path. For more on how I help clients utilize these pathways, check out my approach to therapy.
Simple “Micro-Tools” for Busy Days
We don’t always have two minutes to close our eyes and visualize. When you’re in the middle of a supermarket or a tough meeting, try these 10-second grounding hits:
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The 3-3-3 Rule: Quickly name 3 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, and move 3 parts of your body (like your jaw, your fingers, and your toes). This snaps you back to the “now.”
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The Scent Anchor: Keep a small bottle of essential oil (like lavender) or even a scented hand cream. One deep sniff can act as a resource that interrupts a stressful thought loop.
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The “I Am” Breath: As you breathe in, say to yourself “I am…” and as you breathe out, say “…here.” It’s a tiny reminder that you are safe in this moment.
I’ve written more about these quick fixes in my blog post on daily grounding techniques.
Common Questions About Resourcing (FAQ)
“What if I can’t think of a safe place?”
This is very common, especially if you’ve had a difficult life or complex trauma. If “safe” feels too big, look for “neutral.” A plain library, a garden you saw once on TV, or even just the feeling of a soft blanket. “Neutral” is a great stepping stone to “Safe.”
“Is this just distracting myself from my problems?”
Nope! Distraction is running away. Resourcing is charging your battery. In EMDR, we use resources so that we have enough energy to actually face our problems without falling apart.
“Does it get easier?”
Yes. Like any skill—from driving a car to knitting—it feels clunky at first. But after a few weeks of practicing the Butterfly Hug for just 60 seconds a day, your brain will start to do it automatically.
Ready to Build Your Toolkit?
Building resilience isn’t about being “tough” or “sucking it up”; it’s about being well-equipped. If you’re struggling to find your calm place, or feel like your “weeds” are taking over the garden, you don’t have to do it alone.
At junabrookes.co.uk, I work with people using EMDR and other evidence-based therapies to find their unique anchors and help them navigate life’s storms with a bit more ease.
Contact me today to book a session and we can start building your personalized inner toolkit together. You can also explore my other blog articles for more tips on managing anxiety and stress.