I might spoil their mood with my pessimistic approach and my problems<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nHopefully, there will be a moment when they are ready, so you can be the best spouse\/parent\/friend for them and that they can count on you <\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.junabrookes.co.uk\/staging\/5147\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Dep-Blog5.jpg” title_text=”Dep-Blog5″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.junabrookes.co.uk\/staging\/5147\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Dep-Blog4.jpg” title_text=”Dep-Blog4″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Proza Libre||||||||”]<\/p>\n
LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM.<\/p>\n
You can just say: \u2018\u2019You seem not looking like yourself\/ you seem to look flat\/sad. Would you like to sit down and talk about it?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
Surely you cannot force your close people to talk but it would be extremely helpful for them to know that you are there when they are ready to share.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nLISTEN!<\/p>\n
Give them plenty of space to talk about how it feels for them. \u00a0You do not need to switch talking about your experience as it is not going to help them at that point.<\/p>\n
Do NOT interrupt<\/p>\n
Do NOT take the attention from their story to yours.<\/p>\n
Do NOT give them your examples of how YOU personally survived it or how it was for you or for your other friend (or whoever!).\u00a0 This time is about them and only them.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Proza Libre||||||||”]<\/p>\n
GIVE THEM PLENTY OF SPACE AND TIME<\/p>\n
Do not rush to respond. \u00a0You can just repeat their words back to them, paraphrase their words. \u00a0In this way, you will give them a sense that they have been heard.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be afraid of silence or pauses. \u00a0They might be thinking of something and you might break the trail of their thoughts if you respond. \u00a0Practice pauses and silence.\u00a0 It\u2019s not easy but can be very powerful when you can hold one.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
EXPLORE HOW THEY\u2019RE FEELING and ASK THEM OPEN QUESTIONS<\/p>\n
These begin with HOW and WHAT.<\/p>\n
Do not ask them CLOSED questions such as \u2018\u2019Are you ok?\u2019\u2019. Most likely they would not want to trouble you and would respond that they are fine. That would be unproductive and unhelpful and would just close down the whole conversation.<\/p>\n
Ask questions like \u201cHow does that feel for you?\u201d \u2018\u2019 What other emotions do you feel?\u2019\u2019 \u2018\u2019 What does help you in the difficult time like that?\u2019\u2019 , \u2018\u2019How long do you feel like that for? \u2018\u2019How can I support you in your difficult time? \u2018\u2019Please let me know What can I do for you?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
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GIVE THEM AN EMPATHIC UNDERSTANDING.<\/p>\n
You can say: \u00a0\u201cI am sorry you are going through this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2019It sounds like it is tough times for you. How are you managing?\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2019I can not imagine how it might even feel to experience that!\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2019It feels like you are going through a horrendous experience. I feel for you.\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
EMPATHY is an acknowledgment of your understanding of their situation.<\/p>\n
But it does not mean that you need to take their pain on your shoulders.<\/p>\n
So, MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF while helping others.<\/p>\n
If you are not professionally trained therapist there is a risk that you may take their pain because you want to help them so much. \u00a0Please be careful! \u00a0It is not going to help anyone if you do. \u00a0Protect yourself. \u00a0You can only give them a space, offer your listening ear and show them that you care.<\/p>\n
That is all you can do.<\/p>\n
In some cases, it might be useful to offer some practical help with cleaning or cooking or looking after their children\/pets if they need time on their own.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_2,1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.8.2″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Proza Libre||||||||”]<\/p>\n
ALLOW THEM TO CRY IF THEY FEEL LIKE IT.<\/p>\n
Tears are a gift for us humans. \u00a0It helps to free our negative emotions or feelings after we have a good cry. \u00a0It helps even if it is temporarily help. \u00a0Your first response might be to say \u2018\u2019 Please don\u2019t cry, but I believe that it a last thing you should do in this situation\u2019\u2019. \u00a0We, humans very often can\u2019t stand the tears of our kids or loved ones.<\/p>\n
Because it makes us feel uncomfortable!!!<\/p>\n
Forget about your uncomfortable emotions around tears of others. \u00a0Let them have a good cry. \u00a0It would feel so very therapeutic for them and they would be truly grateful to you<\/p>\n
DO NOT DENY what they are telling you, and don\u2019t pretend you know how they feel or try to convince them that at least they have this or that and that in comparison of other people they should just feel lucky! \u00a0It is not going to help. \u00a0In fact, it minimises their experience and their feelings.<\/p>\n
DO NOT JUDGE OR CRITICISE. \u00a0<\/p>\n
For example, they may be drinking too much alcohol. \u00a0But pointing this out will not be particularly helpful to them as usually it is a coping strategy to numb the emotional pain or loneliness they might be experiencing. \u00a0Deep inside they know that it is not healthy and in fact very destroying for their body and organs, but sometimes the emotional pain can be stronger than a knowledge that they might destroy their organs and that the alcohol is a slow poison. \u00a0At that point it helps them to numb their pain, their sufferings even temporarily.<\/p>\n
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AVOID GIVING A DIRECT ADVICE.<\/p>\n
If they could take and use it they wouldn\u2019t be in this situation in a first place. \u00a0Giving some advice- means in a way fixing them or showing them that you know better. \u00a0But really you don\u2019t! \u00a0You cannot know how it feels for them. \u00a0You cannot know how it feels to be in their skin. \u00a0You can only imagine, but from your perspective. \u00a0But if you found the book or video, film or therapist which helped you personally you can give the gentle suggestion that it might give them necessary resources that might help to take first steps out of depression.\u00a0<\/p>\n
You can reassure them that these feelings will not last forever and that they can find support or professional help of the therapist.\u00a0 Not matter what show them that they can count on you and they hopefully would be grateful to you and appreciate your support or practical help.<\/p>\n
It was very interesting to hear the opinion of my 17 year old son to how he would help his depressed friend or if he would feel that they are very sad.<\/p>\n
His answer was he would ask them a question.<\/p>\n
What can I do to make you feel better?<\/p>\n
Or<\/p>\n
What do you think you can do to help yourself?<\/p>\n
\u2018\u2019If I could take them out to have some fun mum!\u2019\u2019<\/p>\n
I guess it is a massive subject of how we can really help someone in distress or at least how can we support them. \u00a0It would be different from the situation, the relationship you have with this person, if they are just sad or you feel there is a immediate risk of them harming themselves. \u00a0Use your heart, brain and intuition to act depending on how it really is.<\/p>\n
At the end of the conversation if you feel its appropriate to offer them a hug, please do!<\/p>\n
We all need it from time to time.<\/p>\n
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Some people just need to know that there is someone there for them to listen and to offer them a shoulder to cry when they are in crisis. \u00a0It is always nice to know for us humans that we are loved and needed. \u00a0Usually, when someone is depressed that feel exactly the opposite. \u00a0They very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6009,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[79,80,78,77],"class_list":["post-6002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-depression","tag-coping","tag-counselling","tag-dealing-with-depression","tag-depression"],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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